my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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