Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
