I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
