Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
