We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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