well you can't waste a boner
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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