I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
