his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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