What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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