your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
