i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
