I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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