all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
