Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
