We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would ride that face into the sunset
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
