I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
