Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
