Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
