**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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