the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You don't make any sense
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