My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you bring me the toilet please
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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