I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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