The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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