my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
