Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
