Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
