I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
