The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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