You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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