somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
