What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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