so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He better not be in your backpack
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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