I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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