you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
