Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
