She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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