nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
