Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i came on her dog
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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