she was so not down for the gang bang
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
