Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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