i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
