i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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