when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
