Sry I called you an 8
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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