Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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