real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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