You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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