her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
