i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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