I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
