too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
