I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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