Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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