just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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