Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
