I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
