remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
