I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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