Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he fucked my hip out of place.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
