I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need to sanitize my soul.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
