Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
