Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
