You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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