I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
